Quick Survey...

1) Yes. My wife tried to deter my sons from Guns in general, but they simply made them from blocks, etc.

2) Timeouts are very effective, for a time, but need to be shorter with younger and a little longer as they get older. We have a hour glass (actually a five minute model) that we use. They have to sit on the stairs and turn it over and let it drain out. We call it "Sand Time".

Regards,


Regards,

Joseph & Taghrid Barron

 

Our son is only 7 months, therefore, water guns, time-out and spankings are on the backburner for now.

Water guns are for fun. I'm not against them.

I can remember what a big deal it was if you got in trouble at school and you went to the principal's office and received a spanking. The thought of that and the potential embarassment were enough to keep most students in line. I sometimes wonder how students would be today if spankings were brought back to the school system.

My brother has four kids and they all know what a "pow-pow" (spanking)is and the threat of just a pow-pow works. I'm not saying beat your child by any means.

My husband and I are not against time-outs and/or spankings.

One more... A relative of mine... many years ago... pulled her car over and gave her children a quick spanking on their tooska for misbehaving in the car. A policeman stopped and asked if everything was okay... she said... "Yes, I am doing my job, so that you won't have to do your job in the future."

 

LOL !

 

My kid is too young for either, so no first hand experience. But from asking arounding when I was looking at daycare options, I asked about how they deal with misbehaving childern. The general answer (from more than 1 daycare) is that timeouts are GREAT when used in smaller groups, but unfort in larger groups such as the toddler room and even more so when they are in the preschool and school age rooms, there are two problems with timeouts:
1. chances are good that the kid in timeout fully believes that at least one other kid deserves timeout as much or more than him and they use timeout as a 'plan my revenge session' ('should I pour water down that kids back or can I find some ice to use? I'll have to make sure the teachers don't see though.')
2. the other kids KNOW that so and so is in trouble (just think about what gets said when the teacher turns around - 'you got in trouble ha ha ha' in the sign song voice that kids use to make fun of each other.

Again, my kids are at this age yet, so I don't have first hand experience, but after asking around, I know this is the reason (right or wrong) that most daycares don't use timeouts.

Beth

 

At age 3, these kids do stuff spontaneously. Nothing is ever really planned. I really don't believe that kids this age sit there and plot their revenge. However, they do learn that it is no fun sitting by yourself in a time-out and they learn that bad behavior is not acceptable. And as far as the 'ha-ha-ha, you got in trouble' chant,..well, again, the embarassment of a time-out can also be a great learning experience. Just my personal opinion.

 

1. yes
2. yes

 

1) Yes
2) My son is 5 and very strong-willed. Time-outs don't work because he won't stay in the time-out spot. We take away privileges such as tv, playing outside, and favorite toys. At his preschool, they do use time-outs. They send a child who is misbehaving out of the activity to sit on the bench or if they are really acting up, to the director's office. This does work well with my son when he is at school.

 

Just a quick comment:

If you know someone who is a high school teacher, take some time to talk to them about what they can, or more often, can't do to discipline a child. Its an eye opener.



Neil Z.
Resident since 1999

 

1. I would prefer not but I don't think it will forever scar them.

2. Yes amongst other things. We have a very strong willed 2-year old and we use both positive and negative reinforcement (time-out), redirection and spanking. I never thought we would spank but we do. In fact our pediatrician said “I can not technically advocate spanking but all kids are different and some just need a swat. Remember though the first smack is for them anything after that is for the parent!”

On a side note; we do not have a "time-out" chair. Time out is a thing not a place and therefore can occur anywhere at anytime with the length of the time-out corresponding to the child’s age.

 

Yes and Yes. I feel boys are boys and they have a natural tendancy toward trucks, balls and guns that girls do not have. (I have some of each and as an x-educator have lots of experience.) My husband believes that allowing them to 'get it out of their system' while young prevents the curiousity and playing around when they are older and the guns are potentially more dangerous. We limit tv ( i am adamantly against those violent cartoons we grew up with) and always watch with our kids. (The family room is attached to the kitchen so it's easy when you have one big room.)It is especially difficult today with all of the war coverage, kids see it everywhere, and the guys with guns are the good guys - home town hero's- we revere them amd our boys think that is cool. Talk with you children about what is real and what is 'hollywood' - what 'our kind of people' do and don't do.
Hitting does not work! It sets a bad precident ..smack someone and you'll get them to do what you want. This is especially bad when you for example spank you kid for hitting his sister, just think about what a confusing message they are getting.
Now as far as the time out thing. Like anything else it doesn't work if used too often. Someone said they used the stairs - that's what I used. It removed the child from the action and they never liked that. I also used a timer one minute for each year they were old. That way as they got older and were supposed to know better they got more time. Younger than 3 has no concept and distraction or reirection from the undisirable behavior is best IMO. All of my kids have hot tempers [don't know where that comes from[?]so as they got older 8-9 and began to resisted, mouth off, stomp out of the room etc. I would add a minute for each offense. Oh by that age they were being sent to their room because the stair was no longer out of the way enough.
The biggest part of all of this is your consistancy and the time you spend setting a good example for your child(ren). Just who is running your household? If you don't have control at age three what do you think things will be like when that kid is 15?!!! When my kids were small I had a neighbor who I thought had some of the best kids I'd ever seen. Respectful, polite, well behaved, good students, but still kids. I asked her how she did it. Her answer was, "ride their butts every step of the way and don't give up". So I took the advice to heart and implemented it. And I have to say I'm either really lucky or it works. Raising good kids is not easy, it takes a lot of time and can sometimes feel like it is consuming you. But this is the responsibility you took on when you desided to have a child. Be the parent now and you'll be friends with your children later in life. Be their friend now and you will not even want to be around them (nor they you) when they are older. NOt a sermon just my opinion.

 

I have to respectfully disagree. Spanking absolutely does work, for my child. I also am an educator. I am currently on a child rearing sabbatical and IMHO believe all children are different and no one behavior management technique works with all children all the time. I am always amazed when I hear text book techniques to behavior management being unilaterally applied to all children. Parenting is an art not science.

I agree with you that consistency, time, and supervision are the keys to successful parenting but some children need a stronger reinforcer.

Let the onslaught of criticism begin!!