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Sleeping Babies

Discussion in 'General Chat Forum' started by Chase, Jan 17, 2005.

  1. Chase

    Chase Member

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    My 10 month old son is still waking up a number of times at night. He's used to being moved to our room around 10 every night and we would like him to start spending the entire night in his crib, asleep! I'd love to hear what other people have done about this.

    Thanks!
  2. latka

    latka Active Member

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    You missed the window to make it easy. My suggestion is to start putting him down for his nap in his crib while he is still awake but sleepy. Chances are he won't like this very much as he is dependent on you for his comfort. Be persistant...don't remove him from his bed. You can go back in and reassure him after a while but don't pick him up. When he has accepted this and has learned to put himself to sleep during the day, I would repeat this at bedtime. My personal opinion isthat your baby is old enough to not need nighttime attention and if persistant and patient he will learn the coping skill of self comforting, which I believe is a very important gift a mother teaches her child.

    lyo
  3. mdcrim

    mdcrim Member

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    As the mother of a child who did not fully, consistently sleep through the night until he was 2, I can say that, in retrospect, I should have let him cry it out. Now that he is a little older (almost 3), I can see that allowing him to cry would not have scarred him for life like I thought it might at the time-and my goodness, it tooks its toll on me. I've been through enough temper tantrums now to know that he gets over the crying quickly, and it has no ill effects. One thing about my kid, though. He has never to this day taken a nap in a crib-it's carseat only for him at naptime. I wouldn't advocate letting him scream forever, just check on him and reassure him like latka suggested. I read a book called "The Baby Whisperer", which had some great sleep ideas, I just wasn't strong enough to stick to their recommendations. Good luck with the challenge ahead :D.
  4. greggbroadlands

    greggbroadlands Member

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    They're right, let him in there and cry. It's brutal for a night or two, but after that you'll be wondering why you didn't do it earlier. Everyone will sleep better, including him.
  5. Chase

    Chase Member

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    Thank you for your responses. We did let our older son cry when he was around 1 and it worked great. #2 is much more demanding, strong-willed and extremely attached to me so I'm just dreading it. I bet he can last for hours. He is getting 4 teeth at once and has a cold right now so I think we need to wait until he gets through both to start.
  6. mdr227

    mdr227 Member

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    All kids are different and you will find that what works for one does not necessarily work for the other one. There are a number of different lines of thought on this subject and in the end you have to do what you feel most comfortable with. Some kids you can let cry for a couple of nights and then all will be OK, others may need more work such as trying to get them to take naps alone, sleep longer periods at night alone and then finally doing all night alone.
  7. Dkukrer

    Dkukrer New Member

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    We have a 20 month old that did not sleep in his room until he was one. I was not strong enough to let him cry it out. It was extremely hard for the first year, then I decided to let him cry it out because I could not take it anymore. Our child is very strong willed also with a great set of lungs, made for screaming! The first week was hard, then he got used to it. now he will only cry 10 minutes or so and fall back asleep.. and this is occasionally. Its not easy to go thru, but in the long run it is beneficial. With #2 here, I plan on doing the same thing and having him out of our room when he is 3 months old or so. Good Luck.

    Denise

    Denise
  8. Chase

    Chase Member

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    Thanks, Denise! Tonight will be our third night of going into his crib awake. The last two nights he cried for an hour then fell asleep. He woke up again at 10:30 and we had to let him cry again because that is the time he expects to be moved to our bed. I've also had to let him cry at naps because now he realizes that I'm going to leave and won't settle. Before he would stay asleep after nursing. I have an older child to take care of so I keep busy during all the crying but it is hard to hear. I feel bad for the little guy - it's such a big change for him. I know it's for the best though - he needs to be able to go to sleep by himself.
  9. T8erman

    T8erman Well-Known Member

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    You know, to each their own, but I do not understand the need to "break" a child (1 child that is) from sleeping in the same room or even in the same bed with the parents. I think it would certainly lead to a stronger bound and a better sense of security for both the parents and the child as long as the child sleep habits are within reason. The child knows nothing but the security of sleeping with the parents and then WHAM, off to your own bed! Why not have the child sleep with the parents longer and then move them to their own room when they are a bit older and better able to handle the move without crying for hours at a time? Just my .02 cents worth.
  10. latka

    latka Active Member

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    I believe the OP asked for advice based on her situation and what she desired.

    lyo
  11. T8erman

    T8erman Well-Known Member

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    latka - who are you? The thread police?

    She asked what other people have done, I replied what we have done. Nothing in this case is still something.
  12. Chase

    Chase Member

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    I did ask what other people have done so am happy to hear all points of view. T8erman - do you have children who are currently sleeping with you or did they used to? How did you eventually move them and how old were they? I do agree with what you wrote so the decision to do this was very hard. My son starts the night and does naps in his crib so this isn't a total shock to him. At this point in time, he hasn't learned to go to sleep without me (and ONLY me - not dad or anyone else) so this is what he is learning and needs to be able to do. It's not normal for a 10 month old to wake up every 2-3 hours and need to nurse to get back to sleep esp. when he was able to sleep through the night (and did) at 4 months. I do feel bad that he is in this situation because I brought him into our bed in the first place when he was sick just to try to get some sleep myself.
  13. latka

    latka Active Member

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    T8erman sorry if I misunderstood but it sounded like you were passing judgment on how others raise their children. That those of us who believe a secure child is a child who has the ability to self comfort and the autonomy to but themself to sleep. It might have been the "break" a child comment or maybe the comment that parents who sleep with their children until the child chooses not to do not bond as well.

    lyo
  14. T8erman

    T8erman Well-Known Member

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    Chase - our son is nearing 2 and yes, he still sleeps with us in our bed. He had been sleeping in a crib in our room for about 1/2 the night and then when he woke we would bring him into the bed with us. In December he got an awful roto-virus and he ended up starting the night in the bed.

    He now starts out in our bed! :)

    He is a fairly sound sleeper who does toss and turn a bit, but it is worth it to us seeing our gorgeous baby boy sleeping ver peacefully next to us. And most mornings he wakes with a big smile and wants to cuddle one of us (I just love it!).

    We know we will have to move him into his own bed for his own good and ours as he gets bigger. We will cross that road when we get to it.

    Latka - no, I was not passing judgement. But I do believe that, in some fashion, this is "breaking" a child of what it has come to know and expect. And I also think it is "breaking" because a child this age cannot truly reason why they are being removed from the sleeping environment that they have become accustom to.

    But I do not feel that either way is wrong, I just know what my wife and I prefer keeping him with us.

    WE ARE WEAK! :)
  15. Sunny

    Sunny Chief Advisor

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    My 1 year old was waking at 10 months old to nurse every 2-3 hours at night, and was sleeping through the night early on as well. I found myself racing in to nurse her everytime I heard a peep either because I didn't want her to wake the 3 year old or just because I was so tired I didn't have my head on straight. Finally I let her cry it out
    to start the night off (which we did with the first child at 5 months). I made sure her naps were in check during the day, she had a nice dinner, some good wind down time with a bedtime routine, and let her cry for as long as it takes. I also don't put her to bed too late- she seems to get a second wind so bedtime is now (drumroll please) 7pm!!! She cries when I put her in the crib but pretty much as soon as I am down the stairs she has stopped. Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child is a good book.
    Here's a question for the co-sleepers: When do you find an opportunity to be intimate with your spouse? My husband and I are just now realizing that we need to focus on our marriage before the kids to make the family unit function at peak performance. I read a great line once, it said "If you are worried about your children crying now, it's you that will be crying a river of tears when your marriage is on the rocks because you didn't put a priority on date night". My husband and I need the tiem together at the end of the day when the kids go to bed, and as a stay-at-home mom I need the adult conversation to maintain sanity. I am definitely not anti-co-sleeping- I just don't think I could do it every night. My mother always said "Never let them in your bed because if you do, you'll never get them out!!"
  16. Chase

    Chase Member

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    Our baby was waking up around an hour to hour and a half after initially going to bed so at 8-8:30 then again at 9:30-10:00. We moved him to our bed at the second wake-up. My husband and I have no evening time together with this going on and my 5 year old's bedtime routine is not going well. It is always interrupted, I'm rushing him to get done before the baby wakes up and he sometimes doesn't get his stories because once the little guy is up, I have to go to bed with him to get him back to sleep. He has good "mom radar" because he wakes up again as soon as I try to leave the bed for any reason. Once he's in our bed, every time he wakes up (all babies wake up but some can just go back to sleep), he needs to nurse to get back to sleep. It is hard on him being moved now but it's alot harder when they can climb out of their crib or own bed every time you put them in it. I'm also not against co-sleeping- there is nothing more wonderful than snuggling with your warm, precious baby all night but it just isn't working for our family at this point.
  17. CatK

    CatK New Member

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    Chase, I know this is a very hard situation. On thing to keep in mind, he's still a baby. He doesn't understand anything but his internal need to be safe and warm. You are his security and you make him feel safe. He trusts you to provide these things for you. When you let him "cry it out" he is telling you that he needs to feel safe. Try the "Nighttime Parenting" book by Dr Sears (all his books are terrific and he has like 5 kids or something like that) or "Crying Baby, Sleepless Nights" by Sandy Jones.

    My daughter (27 months old) still sleeps with us part of the night. My daughter hated the crib when she was a baby. She would sleep on the couch, on the floor (on the crip mattress), or practically anywhere else, but in her crib. My husband talked me into trying the harsh "cry it out" method, but my instincts just wouldn't let it continue more than an hour and after the second or third try, I had to put a stop to it. She now goes to sleep on the couch with my husband and I close by, we put her in her toddler bed, and she comes into our room between 3 & 6 AM, we (one or the other of us) give her a drink of water, tell her we love her and we will see her in the morning. Then we all fall back asleep.

    I'm a nursing mom too, but I work outside the home. Getting the baby to sleep without nursing takes a little bit of dedication on your part. I still nurse my daughter to sleep at night, and she still wakes up, but she does put herself back to sleep by herself. Just keep in mind that they will not stay in your bed forever.

    When he wakes up, he will still cry, but try just patting him on the back (while still lying down) and either singing to him, or keep telling him that you love him, ask him if he wants a drink of water (maybe he's just thirsty), if he's old enough to understand "empty" tell him they are empty until it's light outside. There are many different ways to get throught this situation. Do not feel that you have to go against your instincts and let him "cry it out".

    If you are having a really hard time, there is a La Leche League meeting in Sterling (unfortunately non in our area.. Yet). Check out http://www.lalecheleague.org/ to find a group meeting that fits your schedule. They don't just help with breastfeeding, they can help breastfeeding moms with all kinds of situations.

    I have tons of books on nursing and other issues that revolve around babies, toddlers, and other stuff (all the books that are mentioned in this post). If you want to borrow anything, send me an e-mail and we can get together.

    I also forwarded your link to a friend of mine, and she asked me to post this for you:

    I know how hard it can be to get a toddler to sleep in their own bed! Our family has done it twice, both times without leaving our children to "cry it out". I just couldn't do that to my child.

    Any transition as big as this may take several weeks to resolve to a workable solution for your family. You need to do what works for your family, not what works for other families, or what the books tell you you need to be doing. Some of those books are written by people who don't even *have* children!!

    Maybe you can suggest to them that they read the book "Nighttime Parenting". I didn't see if they were still nursing, but if they are, how about "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler"?

    One solution to try is a sleeping place on the floor in the child's room for a parent, at least during bedtime. Parent starts the night either in bed with child, or on the floor next to child, depending on the child's bed (crib? twin bed? toddler bed?). Lots of patting, loving, stories, but firmly telling child that this is their bed now, but Mommy/Daddy will still be *right here*. etc. After child goes to sleep, parent can move back to their room.

    Each night, parent can move their pallet farther away from child, just by a few inches. Eventually, parent will be sitting outside the child's door! Then they can start leaving before child goes to sleep, staying close to offer reassurance.

    Offer a special book or stuffed animal (or other "lovey") each night at bedtime. Even if child rejects at first, keep offering each night, and put in bed with child after child goes to sleep. Some children will attach to this item instead of the parent.

    Let child pick own bedding, pillow, etc, to make going to bed *their* decision. Try making it different and new - rearrange the furniture in the child's bedroom, letting them pick where things go.

    Have sippy cup available for child, too.

    Any transition as big as moving to their own bed can be traumatic for a child. If there are other circumstances going on in the child's life - starting school, moving, a new sibling - the transition can be even more traumatic for the child. The child needs to be respected for their wishes and desires, even if ultimately, the parent's wishes will prevail.

    After all, the parents' bed is all the child has known for his *entire life*; it's expected that it might take some time and lots of love and understanding to make the change.

    We wish you well!
  18. Dwarflord

    Dwarflord New Member

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    From birth to about 2-3 months our child sleeps in his car seat on the floor in our bedroom (bassinetts have never worked for us - they are on their back and the milk regurgitating keeps them awake). This helps with the colic issues as it keeps the baby somewhat elevated at an angle. It also provides comfort because babies prefer to be "coddled" and are more comfortable in closer surroundings at this age. Once the baby has passed the colic"y" stage, we then put the baby in the car seat in his own room inside the crib for about 2 weeks. This acclimates the baby to the new surroundings. We monitor any crying or coughing......with a baby monitor. This has worked without a hitch for us. Once the baby is comfortable with the crib (which doesnt take long usually a week or two) we then place him on his back in the crib and place large and long towels rolled up along either side of the baby and squeeze the baby between them. This continues to make the baby feel comforted and cozy as he sleeps. When the baby outgrows the need for the "closesness" when sleeping or gets strong enough to move them away, we remove the rolled up towels. Then the baby stays in this crib until he/she can almost climb out (usually 1 yr of age). ONce he reaches this stage, we let him sleep on a mattress on the floor in the nursery where the crib is, its not on a frame and its directly on the floor with sheets and blankets. Keep in mind that the mattress has been there for the last 2-3 months so that the toddler can jump and play on it during the day, it has been in the room and it is not a strange item to him. We build up the new experience to him about sleeping in the mattress (a big boy bed) for a couple of weeks and he is excited to sleep on it when he gets the chance. We gate the room off so that the toddler does not get up and roam about in the night if he happens to get up. We like the mattress on the floor because he cant fall off and hurt himself and he can climb on and off with no problems. Once the child is tall enought to climb up on a bed (18mos. - 2 years) we then move the child out of the nursery into his own room. We build up to this by allowing him to play in this new room and by putting some of his current toys in there and showing him that this will be his new bed and room in a couple more weeks. This has worked very very well for us for out 2 children. In all cases, you need to make sure that the child/baby is in his comfort zone by building up a change as a great thing that is going to happen and to incorporate things that are familiar to the baby/child when the change occurs. You cant just make a change and expect it to happen without these aides.
    I hope this can help someone else. It has worked well for us.

    For the child that wont sleep from about 6 months on.
    We let them cry it out, but do so in stages. Start on a Friday night so this will give you the weekend to acclimate the child.
    Once you put them to bed, let them cry for 5 minutes. Go in and comfor them after the 5 minutes, then put them back into bed. Then let them cry for 10 minutes. Then go comfort. Repeat this in 5 minute increments up to about 20-30 minutes depending on the age. Crying is good for the child, and comforting reassures him that someone is there to care. The first night may take 1-1.5hrs to get it all good. The next night may be shorter. There will be times when you think it is all working exactly, then it feels like your starting all over again. The main thing is consistency. Take the bath, put on the PJs, say your prayers, read your story.....do the same thing every night and make a routine. Children love routines, it puts them in a comfort zone. Just be consistent with letting the child cry. Yes, it breaks your heart sometimes, but they arent dying here, they arent starving, they are just not getting what they want in this situation. Crying is also the only form of exercise they get. When you play football or tennis all day and you lay down at night, dont you go to sleep easier as opposed to sitting at a desk all day? Same thing here. The crying is their only form of exercise. Just know the childs limits - parental instinct will let you know too.
    Only you know your child and understand him the best so you should be able to work that in with this and be successful. Remember to be consistent, and stay strong......my wife kept giving in when the baby cried so it took us a little longer, but I had to think of my wife's "comfort zone" on this as well.....;) , she loves her children.
    I hope this can help someone too. Just remember your mileage may vary and you may have to make slight changes to fit your situation and child's personality, but just be consistent and stay strong. In the end, it will make the whole family that much happier when everyone sleeps better at night.

    DwArFlOrD
  19. T8ergirl

    T8ergirl Member

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    I just want to say what fantastic posts these are. This is what the Forums are great for. Nice people, very nice!!!

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