1. Yes, it's a whole new look! Have questions or need help? Please post your question in the New Forum Questions thread Click the X to the right to dismiss this notice
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Seeing tons of unread posts after the upgrade? See this thread for help. Click the X to the right to dismiss this notice
    Dismiss Notice

This Generation of Teens

Discussion in 'General Chat Forum' started by Carol Al-Ajroush, Apr 9, 2005.

  1. maeve

    maeve New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2004
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    1
  2. Carol Al-Ajroush

    Carol Al-Ajroush New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2003
    Messages:
    819
    Likes Received:
    0
    Maeve,

    Thanks for sharing the WP article -- I missed that! It's a good article and brings up in a much more refined way many of the points I attempted to address with the original posting.
     
  3. Silence Dogood99

    Silence Dogood99 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ironically, this is what we get when parents choose their own fulfillment above what is best for their kids. By now, the myth of "quality time" has been debunked.

    What do we expect when kids come home from school to either an empty house or are shipped off to an after school program? How much real time to kids have to discuss real life issues or see effective modeling when both parents work full-time jobs...you can't cram quality time into a couple hours every night.

    So maybe it isn't the kids who are the problem these days...maybe it's us as parents?
     
  4. latka

    latka Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2002
    Messages:
    1,216
    Likes Received:
    30
    I like the long shaggy hair. No harm in that.
     
  5. Carol Al-Ajroush

    Carol Al-Ajroush New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2003
    Messages:
    819
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is one of the realities of today's society that we have to deal with and face. It's a combination of all -- the parents, the young adults, the teachers in the classroom, neighbors...et al.

    I don't know if I would agree with your comment about parents choosing their own fulfillment above what is best for their kids. There are single parents who have no choice but to go out and provide a livelihood for their children and themselves too.

    Bottom line, instead of everyone either ignoring or wanting to get into a heated debate on what is wrong, let's be proactive and take measures within our capacity to do something!


     
  6. Silence Dogood99

    Silence Dogood99 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    2
    I admire single Moms who juggle the demands of providing and caring for their kids.

    But I know just as many single parents who decided they didn't want to be with their spouse anymore because of incompatibility...so they ditch the spouse and go it alone...and the kids suffer. That's a reality, too.

    And in our area, I know plenty of parents who think they need a combined income of $250,000 instead of settling for a mere $125,000. Just witness the rise of after-school programs which cost parents $800/month like Beantree. These aren't for blue collar or lower paid workers struggling to get by on two incomes. If parents want someone else to raise their kids, then don't have kids in the first place.

    And if you are expecting government-run schools to have an effect, then good luck. It doesn't really take a village...it's called two involved parents.
     
  7. upr_dcker

    upr_dcker New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2005
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    So, what's your point? If a woman has a kid out of wedlock, that's admirable, but a woman who chooses to break up with her spouse and end up in the same situation shouldn't be admired? What's the difference?

    Being a single parent is demanding, no matter how you end up in that situation. I know of women whose marriage ended because their husbands cheated. In that case, they're not "ditching their spouse because of incompatibility", but rather, they're being put in a position where they have little choice.

    Are you a parent? That would give a measure of credibility (albeit a small one) to your assertions. There is a great deal of parental criticism on these forums by people who don't have kids, so I'm curious to see if you fit in that category.
     
  8. Silence Dogood99

    Silence Dogood99 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    2
    I never said that I admired people who have illegitimate children...and I specifically mentioned people who CHOSE to get divorced because of incompatibility. Of course there are those whose husbands have died or cheated on them.

    If you read the context of the post, it is very clear who I am addressing: those who either ditch their spouses because they simply don't want to be with them anymore (or find someone they like better)...and those married couples who choose to have others care for their children when they don't need dual incomes.

    Whether I have children or not is relatively immaterial. The principle remains the same. You out your kids first, your own needs second. Quality time is a myth and hiring others to raise your pre-schoolers or children of any age is never a good prescription. BUT to answer your question, yes, my wife and I are the parents of a twelve-year-old.
     
  9. upr_dcker

    upr_dcker New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2005
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Sorry, but I disagree with you. Whether or not you have kids is completely germane to this discussion. Furthermore, your statement that "hiring others to raise your pre-schoolers or children of any age is never a good prescription" is remarkably off-base. What about teachers? Teachers spend more time with your school age kids than you do; are they "raising" your kids? Unless you're home-schooling your children, your kids are going to spend the majority of their working hours being cared for and taught by a county employee, not a parent.

    As for parents who both work: if your wife chooses to stay home, great. My wife happens to work; not because we need the money, but because she chooses to. Sorry if that is in opposition with your principles (and sorry if this sounds defensive), but I'm a little tired of hearing the self-righteous statements of stay-at-home parents who denigrate working parents. You choose to raise your kids your way, and my wife and I raise them our way.
     
  10. Silence Dogood99

    Silence Dogood99 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    2
    your kids are going to spend the majority of their working hours being cared for and taught by a county employee, not a parent.

    That's actually a pretty scary statement when you put it that way! Actually, we have chosen to homeschool our son and are really pleased with the results. But I have never said it's for everyone.

    Don't label other people "self-righteous" unless you'd like to be labeled "selfish." Never said that. But it just seems fairly obvious that the best people to raise kids are, well, the kids' parents...not daycare providers or after school sitters.

    That's the beauty of America. We have choices, especially as adults. But kids don't always have choices...I bet if they did, they'd rather be spending more time with their Moms and Dads than strangers.
     
  11. upr_dcker

    upr_dcker New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2005
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    In a perfect world, sure...kids would spend the majority of their time with their parents. On the other hand, we have found there are tangible benefits to having kids spend time outside the house (such as developing socialization skills with other kids). Clearly, there are disadvantages to this approach (would my daughter have had fewer viruses and colds had she not been exposed to dozens of other kids at a young age?).

    I agree with you about choices. There's no right or wrong choice, just the one you make. If I thought that our choice was, in any way, harming our daughter, I wouldn't hesitate to make a change. Her health, safety, and well-being cannot and will not ever be compromised.
     
  12. T8erman

    T8erman Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2003
    Messages:
    5,236
    Likes Received:
    249
    SilenceDogood99 - based on your posts, you think parents who no longer love each other should stay together "for the childrens sake". Children are a heckofa lot smarter than most people think and growing up in a probable loveless environment would do more harm than good.
     
  13. agnesk

    agnesk New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2005
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    0
    Okay, this is my first post to this forum. So far I've been a lurker, but I've gotta say that you all are over analyzing this. The reason these kids are using the f-word so much is that it's lost it's shock value. Heard any teen music lately? It's used so much it's become an adjective! Now, I'm not condoning this and I certainly don't let my kid use this term. And since I know some of these kids hanging out, I'll tell you they are mostly in middle school. So, yes, they could mow lawns, but they are a ways from getting a "real job". And because I know them (and their mothers) I have no problem reminding them that they need to watch what they are saying, especially if there are little kids around.
     
  14. Silence Dogood99

    Silence Dogood99 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    2
    "...who no longer love each other."
    wow. think about that statement and what it teaches kids about commitments and responsibility. again, comes down to choices adults make to love or not love.

    in MANY cases (to which I was referring), the adults have made a choice to give up, to pursue greener pastures, to break their commitment, to choose not to love anymore...i've heard the justification you mentioned above a dozen times...in the end, the kids get hurt.

    if you want to look at cold, hard statistics, check out the rates of incarceration, unwed pregnancies, failure to finish school, failed relationships and general instability...and you'll see the correlation with being raised by one parent (and please, please know that I understand there are abusive situations, infidelity, etc.) I am speaking of the all too many instances of cases in which a parent just decides he or she doesn't want to be married anymore.

    same obvious principles applies: ask a child and he'd rather spend more time with both his parents together...not in a split family or with daycare providers of afterschool strangers. that's all i'm saying.
     
  15. latka

    latka Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2002
    Messages:
    1,216
    Likes Received:
    30
    No longer loves each is bull. Most everyone who has been married a long time knows this. There are times in a lifetime marriage when most people fall in and out of love. Marriage is a commitment for life. I know there are situations where there is abuse or constant dishonesty where despite your best, the marriage cannot continue. I know there are people who would have stuck out a hard patch but their spouses would not, nothing is perfect.
     
  16. Carol Al-Ajroush

    Carol Al-Ajroush New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2003
    Messages:
    819
    Likes Received:
    0
    This may come as a surprise but I'm finally starting to lose my patience with our HOA forums today! I just want to stand up and yell "CHILDREN -- yeah, that means you... -- TIME OUT!" How come most of the threads start with a reasonable topic and end up in shouting matches and finger pointing? Good grief? Is it because of the anonymity factor...hiding behind your "screen name" rather than stating who you are?

    We all know there are plenty of problems around both with children, teens, young adults and the big ones too! We don't have to dissect repeatedly what is wrong with them. I know this neighborhood is not full of dummies who want to moan and groan all the time....I challenge you to take the time and write constructively and positively and motivate folks to want to do something and make a difference.

    Furthermore, I challenge ya'll to stop hiding behind the screen names if you're going to moan or be controversial as well!
     
  17. boomertsfx

    boomertsfx Booyakasha!

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2002
    Messages:
    2,260
    Likes Received:
    34
    *points* You started it!!

    8)
     
  18. Silence Dogood99

    Silence Dogood99 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    2
    I think this is healthy debate, not a shouting match.

    But I'm cool with it. Who started this thread on complaining about today's youth anyway? :)

    Peace and best wishes to all the families in the Broadlands. We're fortunate to live in such a kid-friendly place.
     
  19. poultry

    poultry New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    0
    That didn't sound very "diplomatic"!

    This thread may have gotten off-topic but I think it's good that people are discussing these things. It's important stuff for all of us. Discussions function differently online and in person. So if people want to debate this face-to-face then they certainly can. But remember that there advantages and disadvantages to both approaches.

    But back to original topic of profanity. Here's my proposed solution:

    Legalize bad words

    All the world leaders should get together and sign an agreement that effectively classifies all words as "good".

    That's about as silly as the whole premise of bad words.

    If you think about it, they're really just words. So if we take away their badness then they'll lose their luster and people won't find it so cool anymore. If kids stop using it, they'll automatically go looking for other ("legitimate") words to use. And it'll take a while, but people will find one less thing to be offended by.

    Gangsta rap sales will plummet so rappers will devise new words (like "shuck"--remixed from previously bad words). These will also be immediately considered un-profane so they don't catch on.
     
  20. brim

    brim Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2003
    Messages:
    1,339
    Likes Received:
    11
    Right, they're just words. It doesn't matter if you use $hit or poo, you're still describing the same thing...who's to say one noun is more offensive than the other. And if you say something stupid like 'POPPYCOCK!' when you screw up instead of 'FU(K!', whats the difference? You're still expressing rage and displeasure only you're using silly baby talk to do it. It's the emotion/action expressed, not the word used to express it.
     

Share This Page