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A debate about Romantic Love

Discussion in 'General Chat Forum' started by redon1, Sep 11, 2008.

  1. redon1

    redon1 aka Aphioni

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    A conversation with a coworker today- can you choose to love someone or is feeling love something beyond your control that simply happens?

    I’m not talking about acts of love, like affection, intimacy, compassion, caring… I mean the actual emotion-

    the warmth that speads through your chest when that person walks in the room, the smile that creeps into your mouth when you think of “the one”, the desire to be a better person when you are with that person, for example. I’m referring to all of the internal pain and pleasure associated with your connection to that person, not the external behaviors that show and or prove love.

    Do we have control over whether we GET that feeling and who we feel it for? Is that feeling a choice?
    (family, pets and chocolate excluded- I’m speaking of romantic love!)
    Discuss!
     
  2. Villager

    Villager Ashburn Village Resident

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    Was this a conversation with a co-worker of yours at Mooby's? Kind of coincidental...
    :happygrin:
     
  3. redon1

    redon1 aka Aphioni

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    what's Mooby's?
     
  4. Villager

    Villager Ashburn Village Resident

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    Apparently it IS a coincidence! The movie Clerks II was on TV tonight and ended as you posted. There is a conversation about romantic love in it.
    Mooby's is a restaurant in the movie.
     
  5. T8ergirl

    T8ergirl New Member

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    I personally don't think you can control it---what you can control is the people you engage with in life--the pool in which you swim--so that when you do fall in love it is with someone desirable vs. not desirable. I used to tell my single girlfriends that as long as they hung around in seedy bars, they were going to meet and fall in love with seedy guys. And its true. And once you are in love, it gets really difficult.
     
  6. redon1

    redon1 aka Aphioni

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    yeah- this was an all day conversation at work- not sure what even STARTED it- i think a general chat about relationships...
     
  7. Brassy

    Brassy Hiyah

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    I'd say yes, there is romantic love, where you rmind meets and heart flutters, then you also have the getting to know you period at the same time. I have that with Kaos! I also knew from the getting to know period that he woudl be a good day, which was imprortant to me, so I'd have to say while emotion can bouy you up, your realisitc side can play a part to....but then again that's just me, a strong person who doesn't get kicked to the curb. As Kaos knows, I was always the dumper - not the dumpee - for good reasons, too!
     
  8. redon1

    redon1 aka Aphioni

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    it spun into a really big conversation- i was surprised at how many ppl belived they could control WHO they felt love for, not who they SHOWED love to. it really depended on how each person defined love- is it an emotion, or action? those who chose emotion, said love happens- like happiness, sadness, shock. those who saw love as action said you could choose to love or not.

    interesting...
     
  9. alainshep

    alainshep New Member

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    I don't think that you can be in love with a associate or friend. I believe the emotional attachment you have to someone determines when you can fall in love.

    This is why when you are married or in a commited relationship, certain relationships are off limits. Because when your marriage is in trouble you run to the inappropiate relationship which turns into more emotional attachment...which can then lead to romantic love.

    We control our emotional attachments to others within boundaries, which is why we don't fall in love with all of our co workers. But we can be in love with numerous people at one time.
     
  10. Mom8386

    Mom8386 Member

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    I don't think you choose who you fall in love with, but you do choose to love the person you fell for. After 27 years of marriage to my husband who I usually love dearly, some days I feel it's a choice to continue loving him.:happygrin:
     
  11. lilpea

    lilpea Member

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    Many years ago while trying to mend my shattered heart, my mother said to me:

    "...I know this hurts and it feels like you will never find love or someone to love you, but you fell in love and he fell out of love with you"

    Now that I am married and a mother, I realize how wise my mother was.

    During a rather heated and I mean heated exchange w/ my hubby I said; "I don't love you anymore and I don't love you any less"

    At first he was shocked and he later asked about my statment, I explain it was my way of saying my love for him is a love that will endure the ups and downs of life.

    There are different kinds of love, romantic love is wonderful but I'd take enduring love hands down.
     
  12. Ozgood

    Ozgood Not a space alien

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    I once fell out of love with Marianne and it sure hurt a lot. :(

    But since then we make sure we stay in the middle of the bed and it has not been a problem since :)

    <rimshot>
     
  13. Brassy

    Brassy Hiyah

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    Indeed, you will love and hate at the same time. I think that is what keeps things glued together...in fact that is the way you are with siblings when you grow up. You can't expect to have things perfect all the time when you love someone. Life intrudes a bunch and takes you for a ride as you ge on and off the rollercoaster.
     
  14. redon1

    redon1 aka Aphioni

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    you know what life would look like without ups and downs- a FLAT LINE. love to ME means being not just willing to ride out the tough times, but trying to do it in a way that makes your relationship even stronger.

    the easy times are what anyone in like, lust, fondness can do... only real love perseveres. :violin:
     
  15. Ozgood

    Ozgood Not a space alien

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    I remember watching an interview of Donald Trump. He was talking about relationships. He actually said that if he had to work at a relationship it was a bad relationship.

    I could not disagree with him more. A good relationship requires work on both parties.

    But I guess when you are rich like Donald you can have that attitude. If so, I hope I will never be that rich.
     
  16. Mom8386

    Mom8386 Member

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    That's why Donald Trump has been married THREE times. He doesn't have a clue about what makes a marriage work.
     
  17. redon1

    redon1 aka Aphioni

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    ZACTLY. i'll listen to Trump about realtionships when he listens to ME about real estate!
     
  18. tyger31

    tyger31 Member

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    He looks like he'd be one tough person to be married to that's for sure! His way or no way!
     
  19. sharse

    sharse TeamDonzi rocks!!

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    Not to say I agree with the Donald and disagree with the Oz, but in my marriage I don't feel like I have to work very much. It isn't perfect, but it's darn near close. Although we're approaching our 7 year anniversary. Maybe that's when it hits? :conf2:
     
  20. redon1

    redon1 aka Aphioni

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    work isn't a necessarily negative thing, but maybe the word effort is more appropriate. real love makes an effort- good or bad- plans a romantic dinner instead of just ordering pizza, tries to understand where the other is coming from in a disagreement...

    love is (among many other things) thoughtful, willing to compromise, and wisely picks battles!

    we just hit 14 years and it just keeps gettin better...:p
     

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