Need Advice Parenting - Anyone "Sleep Train"

What kind of methods did you use? What works/doesn't work? How did your babies end up sleeping through the night and going to sleep on their own (as opposed to with a bottle or nursing).

Thanks!

 

for us it was crying it out. The Boy was sleeping through the night at around 4 months, and it took around 2 weeks to get him there. i would go in and rub his back and talk calmly and reassuringly to him when he cried, but i wouldn't pick him up. each night i increased how long I would wait before going in by a few minutes, until finally he just gave up on his own and fell asleep before i came back in. he never made it to 20 minutes, thank goodness. even if he woke up occasionally, he wouldn't cry for very long before he put himself back to sleep without me.

it was very difficult for us, i cried myself sometimes, at first. but i knew it was the right thing- not to give in just because he wanted me. he needed to feel safe and loved, and rubbing his back and talking to him gave him that without me weakening and giving in to his "demands." i gave him a special blankie that he only got at bedtime, which made getting into his crib a nice time for him. keep it against your body for a few hours if you can- it smells like you and babies respond to your smell just like puppies!

some babies are tougher to crack than others- a friend's baby went over an HOUR and crying it out never worked for her. so if it doesn't work for you, you have to move on to some other solution...

good luck!

 

Renee, you got lucky! We had easily 45-60 minutes of relentless crying followed by a very early escape from the crib. I forget how we did it but we did not try the Ferber method for very long - it was just not working. Sleeping issues, like many other issues of the infant/young child ages, just seemed to resolve over time. It wasn't always on our schedule but years later we just forgot it was even a problem. I know that's not helpful to the poster, sorry.

 

Our daughter was nursed to sleep but over time we tried having my husband put her to bed sometimes. She would go to sleep for him without nursing so we knew she was capable of doing so. The nights that I put her to bed she wanted to be nursed. I think she knew I had "the goods" and wasn't keen on stopping that routine. One night I sat in the rocking chair as usual but not nursing and just holding her. She cried for 10-15 minutes then fell asleep. The next night it was less time and after that there was no crying.

Now that she's 5 there are no sleep issues (although now that I write that I'll probably be jinxing it!) and I like to think that the gentle transition helps with that.

I will point out that my daughter may be a bit older than some parents would prefer for their own children before we achieved this. I think she was somewhere between 12-18 months but I don't recall exactly.

The "cry it out" method works for some families but as another poster said, some children adjust to it easier than others. The book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley has some good ideas similar to what Redon1 did. The other consideration Pantley mentions is whether or not the baby's sleep habits are a disruption for you. She states that if the current conditions are fine for you don't feel like you have to change them because of what other people say you should be doing. If it works for you just go with it. If not, begin trying different ideas and see what works for you.

Good luck!

 

My first I had to let cry himself to sleep. He is still, 7 years later a bad sleeper. It was awful and he is so strong willed he would scream for hours. I would check on him every 10-20 minutes but he just wanted to be held or nursed.

With my other 2 I learned from my mistakes, and from day one started them off to good sleeping habits and they have always just gone down without a fight.

I wish you luck.

 

I recommend Nighttime Parenting by William Sears. It has some great tips if you don't want to let your baby cry. It also explains why we can't expect our babies to sleep like adults and looks at reasons why your baby might not be sleeping well. It's a great starting point before getting into the training methods which I'm sure can be stressful. It made me feel much better about the difficulty I've had with my baby. Good luck and just remember to listen to your instincts over anything anyone tells you.

 

THIS is a great point! we DID make adjustments to his meal patterns to make him more comfy, and not gassy at night. we wound down the night earlier with soft music and low lights so it was an easier transition to bed instead of lights and TV blasting then bam! bedtime.

 

I also really like Dr. Sears. Seems like as soon as your baby is born, everyone is asking, "is he sleeping through the night yet?". My kids didn't sleep for more than three hours at a time until they were over a year old. We didn't bother with any kind of sleep training until they were 2-3 years old and didn't do any kind of cry it out method. Our approach was more of a, "I'll be back in a few minutes to check on you." Then we would go back in and check on them. Repeat - getting a little longer each time until they were asleep - maybe 2 or 3 times. Took a couple of weeks before they were just fine going to bed and didn't need the repeat checks.

 

i hear that babies who are not use to having a pacifier can help themselves back to sleep when woken in the middle of the night.

 

It is kind of funny how that is the question people ask. Babies are on a completely different sleep schedule from adults since they're used to sleeping and eating on their own body clock. As far as they know, they're doing everything just fine. Breast fed babies wake a bit more frequently because breast milk is digested quickly. Digestion of formula takes a little longer so sometimes formula fed babies wake a little less frequently. Or so I read anyway.

Quiet classical music, rocking and reading are popular suggestions for making the transition from activity to sleep for babies.

By the way, according to books, 5 hours is "sleeping through the night." Ha!

 

When we went to Birthing Class someone asked the same question of the instructor whom was a mother of three. She recommended that the baby spend its first night home in its own room and asap let the baby put itself to sleep. She pointed out that in the hospital, while mom gets some rest while she can, all the healthy newborns are fed (if possible/bottle) changed and put down. Most of them sleep just fine. She said try not to let them fall asleep in your arms to much or while feeding. Shower them with love and attention...just not as they went to sleep. We tried this and it worked very well. Sure we had some bad nights but for the most part Dan is a good sleeper. We ran into a problem at 8 months when my wife and son went to visit Grand Ma for six weeks. Grand Ma would not put the baby down for a minute and when they got home we had a very bad week. He would cry for 20-30 minutes non stop until he fell asleep. I would go in and calm him down every 10 minutes until he slept. After that week he fell back into his old pattern. He is one now and if he wakes up at night he plays with his toys in his crib. One other thing we did is split the night feeding schedule so that each of us got enough rest, at least six hours uninterrupted. Hope that helps.

 

I think most experts say that until 4 months it's unwise to let a baby cry itself to sleep. However, as long as your child isn't crying when they're falling asleep it should be fine. I always tried to remember that as a newborn the kid just got here and doesn't know the ropes yet. It's a cold, lonely world when they cry and nobody responds. As they get older they learn how to adjust.

 

We never had an issue. I bought a co-sleeper which I thought was the best of both worlds. The baby had his own space, his own bed, but he was also right next to me so I could reach down and touch him if he needed soothing in the middle of the night, or when he needed to be fed i could just quietly grab him and pull him into bed with me, then quietly put him right back in HIS bed when he was done. With the first one, right about 5 months, he was sleeping through the night and outgrowing his co-sleeper so we knew it was time to move him to the crib. The first night was a bit tough because it was a change for him (and for mommy, let's be honest!) but a few crying spurts and a few times in and out to soothe him and he was fine from then on out. (We'd been having him nap in his crib for a while to get used to it.)

I expected the same kind of transition issues with my second, but we had none. We timed it the same - once he was done nursing at night and getting too big for the co-sleeper. We put him in the crib that first night and he had zero issues.

 

Since our's little guy was about the same age as your (when we brought him home), we had a 14 hour time differance and new enviorment, but the following worked for me and I had him sleeping 12+ by day 2 in America:

I am very strict with the bedtime routine:

Dinner, Playtime with a TON a stimulation, bath time, book and to bed by 7:30PM with a little back rub until he drifts off (about 5 minutes).

The temp in his room is set at 66 degrees (babies sleep better), warm flannel sheets and footed sleepwear. I do have Enya on a loop. Naps are different issue as of late and I use the CIO method...sometimes I have to step into the garage.

 

5 hours IS "sleeping through the night." Good point. I didn't know that until my baby was a year old. I thought he was supposed to be sleeping for 8 hours straight. silly.

I read that babies aren't really capable of soothing themselves to sleep until 2-3 years old. Babies that stop crying haven't learned to sleep better, they just know you aren't coming so they give up. Crying is their only way of communicating. If we ignore their attempts to communicate they lose trust in their ability to communicate and they stop trying. There's a connection that is lost. Our first job as parents is to give our babies a sense of security and trust. They aren't trying to control us by crying. They aren't demanding that we do what they want. Babies don't have the mental capacity to manipulate their parents. Something is bothering them or maybe they just don't want to be alone. And that's a valid need when you are a baby. They want human contact to feel secure. It's not human nature to be alone. It's not animal nature. We are the only species that will have a baby and then put it in a separate area alone for 12 hours. Think about it.

 

That's a school of thought that isn't as popular in the United States but widely practiced elsewhere. Whether or not people agree with that theory it's certainly a new way of looking at things for most parents.

 

let me add quickly that every parent has to do what works for them and their family. we all need sleep to function and to be good parents. you have to do what works for you and yours.

 

rabbit - Every baby is different as well as every parent, there is no right or wrong.

This topic is about tips for a request of advice not how to be a better parent. Did it occur to you that your post might upset the person seeking tips?

 

I don't think that was the poster's intention. I took it as offering up another way of looking at the sleep issue and our expectations about it. If we expect our baby to sleep through the night and he/she does not, it's frustrating to a parent. If we don't expect it than we relax a bit more about the issue. Sometimes people looking for advice feel good when they're told they don't have to worry about their issue. At least, it helped me when I was dealing with it myself.

If I had to do it over again I would go sharse's way and do the co-sleeper next to the bed. You get the best of both worlds: you don't have to get up and go to another room and yet the infant is comforted and happy (which they would be if you went to get them in their own room but you might get more sleep).

 

I had 3 who all slept through the night by 3 months. I believe it is mostly due to either luck or genetics. I did however, always try to put my babies down while they were very sleepy but, awake. Never had to let them cry it out.