Quick Survey...

1) Do you allow your child/children to play with water guns ?

2) Do you use time-outs as a technique in disciplining your child/children if they are misbehaving ?

 

Sorry to high jack this thread, but you could almost substitute "child/children" with "husband" and get lots of responses

Sorry again...

Okay parents, answer Bubbaboog survey. Sorry I don't have kids, but if I did 1) Yes, as long as they did not resemble a real gun 2) I have used time-out on my nephews for misbehaving.

-Teak

 

1. yes
2. yes

 

I found a water gun at safeway last year that is shaped like a dolphin. It just looks like he is spitting water- I think this is better. Some experts say that violent or scary fantasy play is good for children to a certain degree. It allows them to direct frustration, and also allows them to differentiate between real and make-believe. If everything is made to be too vanilla than there is not a real concept of good and bad.
My daughter is 2, so I am holding off with the weaponry for now
As far as time outs go, I jsut began implementing them because she has been asserting her independence- which is great- but I don't want her running into the street or doing anything else dangerous. So far they are not working! But my husband and I talk about it frequently and are trying to maintain consistency with one another. Plus- I am having to follow through with what I tell her in all area so that I can back up what I say when she does something she is not supposed to. If I tell her no more tv, that's the end of that. No negotiating. It can be so easy to give in to them because it might not seem like a big deal at the time- but the message can carry over into other things, and I want my "no!" to mean something.

 

1. not yet
2. no, use "re-direction" instead

 

Redirection ? That's funny that this word was brought up on this forum. That word is part of the reason why I put up this little survey. Redirection is the process being used in my son's daycare. I wouldn't have any complaints if it actually worked. Redirection may work in the home but when you have (20) three-year olds in one classroom, I have to say that time-outs are the only solution. I put up a forum a few weeks ago asking about daycare in the Ashburn area because I am currently looking for a new daycare. My son comes home with at least 2-3 incident reports every week stating that he has been hit, punched, smacked, shoved, bitten, etc. from another classmate. Redirection is not helping that child. I need to find a daycare now.

 

1. Our boys, 4 and 6, have a wide assortment of water guns from the pump-up soaker with a flashlight "laser beam" to the small dolphin squirter to the Spiderman one. I have put my foot down on toys that look like real guns, explaining that real guns are very dangerous and so fake ones that look realistic are offensive to me. I don't think my boys think of these as toy guns at all - they just love playing with water and getting stuff wet. I know people who are bothered by any type of gun no matter how pastel and cute and I've taught my kids to respect that and honor it on their property or with their kids.
2. I used time out occasionally but it didn't work well for me since they wouldn't stay unless I sat and held them - torture for all of us! Now that they have a sense of time, I use consequences most - if you do X you will lose Y privilege (usually "no Dora for a day" has an immediate impact on my 4-yr old). I also try to praise and talk about good behavior whenever I can. For some reason these same boys will sit and will behave when "sent to the table" - a technique used at both daycare and kindergarten - apparently they take time-out from teacher more seriously than time-out from Mommy.

If "redirection" means moving the child to a new fun activity with just a "now now biting hurts" - then I think it is only valuable for babies. When they're able to understand, they should have some consequence that will give them an incentive not to hurt other children. I'm pretty sure 2 and 3 year olds can understand this.

 

Bubbaboog: About #1, are you asking about the water guns because you are scared about the possibility of encouraging violence? We have a little boy and will soon have to make the decision to allow it or not. Me and my husband grew up differently but have no strong beliefs one way or ther other.

About #2, I'm looking for info and thoughts on this, too!

 

I am not worried about the possibility of encouraging violence. I played with water guns and cap guns as a child. As an adult, I have never committed a violent act much less owned any sort of gun. My son loves water guns. He also loves to play with his little plastic 1" cowboys and indians. I have no problem with this because he will grow up in a stable, disciplined home and I know I don't have to worry about him.

My son came home with an incident report this week because he made a 'gun' out of two mega blocks. As far as I'm concerned, that's not an incident. That is a 3 year old boy being a 3 year old boy. I think that it's ridiculous that my daycare is going to tell me, the parent, what is "right" for my child. How do I explain to my son that playing with play guns is okay at home but a no-no at school?

 

1) yes
2) child too young to understand the concept. Usually, she doesnt need any discipline at all (shes 2 years old). If she does anything bad its because she doesnt know better, which would be our fault. So we "TRY" to explain that this is bad or "no" dont touch/do this. Of course it doesnt work - she can only understand so much "reasoning or explanation", but with repetition and raising our voices louder than normal and saying the same thing again, she then understands that this is something that shouldnt be done. This works for the most part for us, of course she is a cutie pie so it makes it even harder to get mad at her....[] ...
http://armstrongpage.com/olivia/pictures/october3/DCP_0654.html

However, in time, as her attention span gets better. Timeouts will definitely be used.....

DwArFlOrD

 

You might want to keep a really close eye on this...if you're saying your child is getting picked on and beat up at school then he starts making guns out of legos or whatnot and it continues until he understands what a real gun is for, there might be a horrible outcome.

 

At age 3 a troubled kid would more likely hit his tormenter over the head with the Megabloks than make a gun out of the Megabloks. I wouldn't read anything ominous into the Megablok gun thing - sounds like school policy run amok to me.

 

To Brim: I just think the school should be more focused on disciplinary action and getting children to listen than a mega block gun. The teachers should put the kids in a timeout that pick and beat on other children because the 'redirection' isn't working. It's always the same two kids that get redirected and it's always the same two kids that continue to hurt their classmates.

 

Then those kids should be asked to leave. You shouldn't have to pull your child out of a hostile environment...find out if these kids are picking on more than just your kid and organize some sort of petition/conference with the management of the day care you use and demand they ask those children's parents to pull them out.

I agree with you, redirection doesn't sound like much of an answer. I hate how society has become so litigious that you can't spank kids in school anymore. That's how I was raised and it was one heck of a deterrent.

 

Tell me about it. No one is going to tell me that spankings are abuse. I primarily use the time-out method but there are rare occasions that he is in need of a good smack on the caboose. The daycare has told me that they do have a policy whereas a child acts up too often, they request to the parent that the child get some sort of counseling, if that doesn't work the child is supposed to get disenrolled. I know my son isn't the only one going through it because I am friends with a few parents in there and know about their complaints.

There is a parent/teacher meeting coming up and I'll be sure to voice my concerns.

 

I guess my redirection comment is because our daughter is too young to know better at this point (under 2). Once she gets older we will use some form of negative reinforcement.

Do time-outs work? I've heard of people using a time-out chair, anyone use that?

 

I definitely agree that redirection would work for younger children. That's really the only way to go when their attention span is so short.

We have a time-out chair at home. He's never in it for more than 3 minutes at a time; just long enough for him to think about how it is not any fun to be in trouble and so he can just chill out. This really does work because he is rarely in it. This method is good because it makes kids think about what they have done wrong. With redirection, there is no reprimanding or letting them know that it is not acceptable to hurt other people, be rude, etc. Redirection is basically REDIRECTING them to another project or activity w/o any consequences. Children need to to know what 'no' means. Without adequate discipline, these children are going to have a tough time when it comes time to go to public school because those teachers don't put up with misbehaving children. They need to be used to time-outs now. Because they'll definitely get them when they become school-age.

 

I guess guns are not so "popular" among girls, as my 5 year old little girl doesn't really care too much about that item. She has played with waterguns or bubble guns at her cousins house but we don't own one at our house.
And as for the "time-outs", I'd say it's been working for us for past 2 years. She didn't go thru "terrible 2s" so didn't need any kind of punishments until she turned close to 4. Upto that time, a strong "no" worked for us. Just to give you an idea of how good she was, we never had to put any gates by the stairs, no child proof on cabinet doors.. etc.. but once she started her pre-school, things changed. Her time-out spot is on the stairs to basement. She gets to sit on the top stair for couple of minutes until she's able to tell us what she did wrong. Taking previlges away from her has also been working for us. She went thru a huge "lieing" period not too long ago, and we finally had to use good smack on the tooshy few times, but other then that, time out and loosing previleges been working great for us.

 

That's how I was brought up. I had incredible respect for my parents as well as all adults. Time-outs and Spankings came be very constructive.

 

Good to see not everyone has abandoned spanking.