This Generation of Teens

An observation...my spouse and I were getting gas this afternoon at the Exxon near Giant. There were a group of about 6-7 male teenagers hanging out and playing with their skateboards. It was so sad to hear that every other word out of their mouths was "f" this and "f" that. I'm sure they all come from good families and they do know better but it is so disconcerting to hear this kind of talk (away from the presence of parents) to be more of the norm these days.

 

I was the most boring, well behaved teenager. My only rebellion was swearing (a habit which I have unfortunately retained to some degree). Be happy if they aren't doing any real damage to themselves or others.



Pam D.

 

How funny (well not haha funny) but I was the same way! I was perfectly well behaved and got good grades but my rebellion was saying hell because I knew my mom hated it! Other then that, I didn't do anything wrong...maybe a couple little white lies...but harmless!

 

My mother drummed into our heads "Cursing is a sign of a limited vocabulary" True, although now I know that they have a place in the vocabulary, but much more impact when used sparingly.

 

They're just words, they're no different than any other word. Somehow, society has deemed certian words 'vulgar'. If this is the worst your kid does, consider yourself blessed.

 

Sorry...I disagree with the comments that one should be glad and accept kids freely using profanity under the premise that "well they could be doing something worse..." That sounds like a cop out to me! Nope...in any language or location, free use of the "f" word is not appropriate and should not be readily condoned.

Now ya'll can call me the old geezer in the group!

 

Unfortunately it's not just words. Teens these days are more violent, more sexually active, and less respectful of their elders. Ask any high school teacher in the public schools.

My mom works as a school nurse for an elementary school down in Fauquier County. At that school there are 12 year old girls working as prostitutes. They have documented evidence of this. They have had serious vandalism at the school. Police are brought to the school regularly for students fighting. From what she tells me it's getting out of hand. And these are elementary school kids.

I know that when I was in elementary school the worst you had to worry about was the occasional rumble in the hall. Not anything on a weekly basis. I did go to school there when I was a kid. Why are kids so sexually active these days? At 12 years old kids should not be thinking about sex let alone prostitution. It's ridiculous.

I hope its not as bad up here as down there but from what I have heard from teacher friends of mine the violence and vandalism parts are pretty common.

 

I attribute a lot of what we see as declining morals and values among the youth due to what is shown on tv as well as today's typical lifestyle of parents working long hours and the kids spending more time unsupervised.

I was a tough mom and if I had young children now, I'd probably be even tougher! (-:

 

I think the biggest underlying cause of teen issues today is that those young folks have wayyyy too much time on their hands. They are just looking for a way to channel their energy.
When I was 15 years old (and older-even through college) I was working. If I didnt work, I didnt get to keep my car. I made my own car payments, paid my own insurance, when I went on a date I paid for it.........it goes on. Today, especially in this area, kids dont have to work, its all given to them. So now, they have all this time, all this money and the means to go out and cause trouble. Now I hear "Well, I want my kids better off than I was" well, financially they may be, but your only solving a financial issue, and creating others. My opinion and a generalization, obviously not all kids are the same, but you get my point.
I worked 3 nights a week and all day on saturdays so that I could pay my creditors. This kept me off the street 3 nights a week and 1 day a week, as well as taught me the value of things. IF I broke something, I paid for it. Man that was incentive to not break anything. If I got in trouble, my parents took the license, if I lost my license I couldnt get to work and the problems would snowball. Point is, working hard keeps you out of trouble for the most part because you dont have the time to get into trouble, and you learn respect. This is my experience, your mileage may vary.....

DwArFlOrD

 

I totally agree. One day I came home from school (I was 15) and my dad said "come on, let's go for a ride". Five minutes later we were at a local store. He pulled up out front and told me to to get out. I asked him what he wanted me to get for him. "Nothing. Just go inside. You start working here in 10 minutes." I was dumbfounded. We had been having some pretty big battles about stuff I wanted (Jordache jeans were a biggie as I recall!) but that my parents would not buy for me. He said "Sweetie, you want all kinds of things that I don't understand or we can't afford. If you work, you can buy it for yourself. Go inside." Well, I did. And I worked there 2 nights a week and one shift each weekend for the next 3 years. I still managed to get decent grades and had enough time for some great extracurricular activities (student council, marching band). Today, kids are either doing nothing at all or way too much. Frankly, I can't see any of the 15 year old girls in this neighborhood's parents telling her to go work at the CVS-they're all too busy at Cheer Camp! It's a status thing--for the kids and the parents. And its too bad. That job taught me so much about how to
deal with people and how I didn't want my life to turn out. Boy, I was mad at my dad that day. But its one of the best things he ever did for me.

 

I aggree, too much too soon. When I was a teen, if I wanted anything extra, I had to work for it. I cut grass, (in the Southwest that's all you really can do, no snow or I would have shoveled that) washed cars, and worked in a resturant. I would have glady paid someone to shovel my drive for me, but nothing.

 

It also makes you learn to handle money. They're finding that lots of college kids today have never had a bank account that they had to balance; this leads to kids getting out of college with THOUSANDS in credit card debt. Not student loans, credit cards.

 

The worst thing about teens these days is that long shaggy hair. How awful is that? I blame Ashton Kutcher. I say if you want to punish kids for foul language, speeding, or anything else, just sneak into their room at night with a pair of scissors and cut off that terrible mop top. It's our duty as parents!

I was also 'forced' to work at 15. I was given a check book, and told I had to buy the things I wanted for myself (music, baseball cards, etc). It is amazing how many kids graduate from high school and college these days and haven't worked a single day in their lives.

 

I think my Dad had a great philosophy. He encouraged all of us to want to work and make a contribution - whether it was assisting him or another job. However, once any of us had graduated and if we were still living at home, he had us give him ten percent of our net pay for "rent." His theory was to start making us learn how to manage money. However once one left home, the rent plus interest was returned to give each us a nice start to setting up being truly on our own.

I was similar with my son in encouraging him to take an interest in looking how he could make contributions. He had his regular chores for me and I gave him his allowance for those. He also mowed lawns, shoveled snow and babysat. He opened up his first checking and savings account at age 14. He is now doing very well and I attribute part of this to providing a good foundation for him to follow.

I'm not by any means saying all teens today are lazy or irresponsible but I will say we are seeing a shift in their outlooks and attitudes. I know if teens were to come to me looking for odd jobs to do, I'd welcome them and be glad to provide them with some kind of tasks.

 

Y'all missed the target!

Financial responsibility is a tiny, tiny part of keeping your kids out of trouble.

Having way too much time on their hands? Sure, make them work to use up that time. And then what happens when they go off to college? What happens if they do have free time on their hands? You still haven't taught them right from wrong--you've just manually intervened to prevent them from being able to do anything wrong. The baby bird has to leave the nest some time, ya know.

Society is too concerned with money and material things. Instead of telling your kids to get jobs to pay for all the stuff they want, how about asking them if they really want it or not. Isn't it more important to teach them to think on their own instead of working their butts off day and night to buy whatever's in fashion that month?

And paying to do chores? I had chores when I was kid. I was paid nothing and I didn't expect to be paid anything. Why? It's simple. There are things that I needed to do that wasn't rewarded with cash. Mama taught me that responsibilities are a fact of life. Not everything you do is for your own gain...you do things to keep the entire system (family, society, etc.) in smooth motion.

And there was mention about collecting money for "rent" if the child is in the real world and living at home. That's fine, but what's the point of giving back that money later? How does that teach any responsibility? In essence, you're managing a savings account for them instead of letting them do it on their own. And why give back the money anyway? Isn't the whole point to teach them how to budget and handle money?

Money is primarily a means for survival. Substituting it for the real, hard lessons in life is wrong.

 

Poulty,

I see you are a new member...welcome!

I will agree to disagree that chores and an awareness of fiscal accounts do not teach responsibility. I believe that these are among the steps that parents should take for a child to begin learning the art of responsibility and fiscal management.

Of course in addition to this, the parent must be actively engaged with the child as well teaching them other key moral values and issues.

It is an all-inclusive process and requires a number of steps.

I started this thread for what I noticed seems to be a continuing trend - young adults having too much time on their hands and the ease which they routinely lapse into profanity. We, as parents, neighbors, concerned adults need to be aware of and face these issues and do something about in the ways we are able to do so.

 

I think we did hit the target, but rather you failed to understand what we are illustrating.
Its not all about money, its not all about time, its not all about what they want or dont want and its not all about working. It is ALL about responsibility and the fundamental foundation we instill into their decision making abilities as they grow up to be adults. We cant be there 24/7, we know that, but what we hope happens is that what they have learned from us and by working at a job and developing a sense of responsibility, is that when the time comes, they make that "right" decision instead of the wrong decsion. We must realize that our children are young adults and with that, we also need to realize they will make their own decisions. They just need to realize through a sense of responsibility, that their decision will always have some kind of fallout or may affect others. This is hitting the target....[8D]

I agree 100%. This "ME" generation drives me crazy, I hate it.
However, if my child wants something and works for it, who is to say they cant have it (obviously some things they cant have yet). If I want something and work for it, who is to tell me I cant have it? If they make a poor buying decision, they have to live with it.....this is how they learn. They also learn by working for the money to buy the things they make decisions to buy, they learn the value of a dollar and this helps to teach a sense of responsibility. It also shows them that they get NOTHING unless they work for it. This helps with the "I feel that I am owed this or that" mentality I see so much of around here. Its not a one-dimensional deal to teach and raise children. You really shouldnt assume that because we are encouraging our children to work, that we are foregoing other very important factors in the raising of a child (i.e. the ability to make a good buying decision or right from wrong). We just realize that having our children work will teach them many many things that they cant/wont learn at home and that by working, they can learn these things and have less chance to get in trouble because they just dont have as much time to do it. So as you see, there are other intagibles to having your child work other than what you perceive to be only monetary.

I think this would apply for children too young to work. Having some kind of monetary income, or potential therof, will replace the "work" attribute at a young age, as well as addressing free-time issues and monetary responsibility. Keep in mind also, that not all families are the same. Some believe in an allowance, others dont, neither situation is a wrong one, so you really shouldnt be too critical of others' situations, though I know what you are saying.....:/

Each family will probably do this differently, I think the poster on this was just illustrating their experience, not necessarily stating everyone should follow that example. Im sure there are different ways of achieving the same goal and this was just one way that happened to work for THEM. I think at the time they child was paying, they had no idea that the money would come back to them. So in essence, they associated the 10% as a regular monthly bill, not as a savings account. They MAY have also had a savings account as well, who knows. Giving back the $$ I think is the right thing to do. Parents shouldnt really charge their kids to live in their home (until a certain age and certain conditions require it), its the parents responsibility to provide a minimal amount for the child. I know when I was done with college, I could have used that 10% being paid back to help with a car, college bills, wedding, new house. I had the responsibility, but not the capacity to save large amounts of $$ at that time in my life and that money would have fit in perfectly with my plans, and I think this is what was being shown in their example.

I dont think I follow this one. I dont think anyone talked about subsituting anything for the hard lessons in life? In fact, I think we are trying to prove just the opposite. We want them to experience the hard things in life, in a sense.
What we have posted is concern over children/young adults acting in a pretty foul and disrespectful manner (original post). Our experiences have led us to believe that you can minimize the possibility of having a child act in this manner by having them minimize their spare time, by working, by learning a sense of responsiblity (either financial or otherwise). And that by doing so, you help them learn and absorb better personal characteristics than the ones we are complaining about. We also realize that this is only a foundation for their maturation process and that they will still act out the way they want to. These young adults are not dogs or robots and have the ability to make decisions, we can only hope they make the correct decisions when the time comes. But by teaching them the right things in this basic manner we have laid out, we feel the odds are better that they will make the correct decisions. Hope this clarifies our point a little better.

DwArFlOrD

 

Dwarflord,

3 of the posts before mine specifically stated that kids should work to keep them from having the opportunity to do anything "bad". It was pretty clear to me that people were focusing a lot on work.

I didn't say that kids shouldn't work--I said that making them work isn't a substitute for proper parenting. I didn't say that kids shouldn't buy things they want--I said that parents should teach them to think on their own and so they don't spend all their time working to pay for the latest "cool" thing.

I honestly don't think that keeping kids busy all the time is going to do anything in the long run. It's just a temporary fix for a much larger problem.

Yes, every family does things differently but I was stating what I thought was right and wrong just like you did about giving money back. The thing is, I'd bet that most kids already know whether they're going to get money from mom and dad. They can figure it out.

I think that giving allowances to do chores around the house is what leads people to grow up to think that they're owed for doing what they need to do. It sounds silly, but that's the mentality that leads people to not return shopping carts (why should they--they're not getting anything for it)...and other things like that (littering, etc.).

 

For a moment there I thought I was back in the '60s. Peace.